The Slime of Productivity

It all feels so gross. The slime of productivity, expectancy, and efficiency. It gets all over you, and it doesn't wash off easily.

The $20 Delivery

It had been a long day. It was unusually hot for October. I was ready for the leaves to turn maroon, gold, and all shades of rust, but the weather wasn't ready. So I wore khaki shorts and a black band t-shirt.

I'd been delivering food all day. The lunch rush was busy. I didn't know why — maybe the capitalists were feeling lazy or just didn't have time to go out. All the better for me. More deliveries means more tips.

I stopped at the same gas station in the worst part of town for a break. It had been six months since I got food poisoning from this location. All the clerks had turned over since then. Whoever forgot to change out the taquitos couldn't still be there. Now seemed as good a time as any to roll the dice.

I went inside and passed the slot machines on my way to the 2 for $3 deal. An old woman with an oxygen mask was feeding her Social Security check into a machine, trying to change her fortune. A homeless man beside her was doing the same thing with whatever he had left. Sometimes the sensible thing to do seems senseless.

Before I could get my food, I got a notification: a $20 order. Can't pass that up. Two pizzas, less than five miles. Easy money.

I walked past the old lady, the beggar, and three shoeless kids with dirty feet outside the convenience store, got in my old car, and cranked the ignition three times. I was on my way.

I pulled into the parking lot of the pizza place and ignored a phone call. One way you can tell it's still hot is that the maze of spiders under the overhang is still thick. Moths, flies, and other bugs are stuck in a life they don't want — just like the rest of us.

No wait. The food was ready when I got there. Within five minutes I was on my way again. Another call from the same number. I ignored it again, but this time it left a voicemail. I wondered if it was the extended warranty thing again.

I pulled into the apartment complex for my delivery. I tried not to peek at the voicemail, but couldn't help myself. I have that text generator on my phone that transcribes messages. I saw the first line and my heart sank.

Then the call came a third time. I hit ignore again. Why answer now? I know all is lost. All is hopeless. What use do I have for additional confirmation?

The only question that remains is: do I head to the hospital or deliver this pizza? I'm already here. Might as well walk it to the front door and make $20. It won't change my situation, but I can't think of a reason not to deliver it.

Time vs. Money: Why Peace Lasts Longer Than Happiness

We can make more money, but we cannot make more time.  This is a fundamental truth about life.  

In order to avoid suffering there are basic needs that must be met.  These needs include food, water, shelter, clothing, healthcare, etc.

All of these needs require resources that are obtained through some kind of job where you exchange labor for money.  This takes a significant amount of your time.

This requires dependence on other people, economies, laws, and many other things in order to procure the needed money to buy the needed resources to survive.

The time commitment needed to survive, the lack of control that comes from dependence, and the inability to influence all of our outcomes leads to suffering.

This means that what you trade is going to exceed what you get in return.  The money you get paid for working will never exceed the value of the time you give up; because, you are trading something non-renewable (your time) for something renewable (money). 

All this is just to survive and have the basic things needed to reduce suffering.

This does not stop the aging process.  This will not keep you from dying one day.  It is merely a bandage for day-to-day life.

This is why pessimism is closer to the true nature of reality than optimism.  Because in the end you are running on a wheel to survive, but you can't run on it forever.  You are just delaying the inevitable.

Thus making peace with reality makes more sense than trying to achieve happiness.  The contentment that comes from happiness is temporary for ephemeral beings.  Seeking peace is more lasting because one can find peace in even the most deplorable places–––where happiness is absent.  

Life becomes a test of equanimity, not pleasure.  One can train themselves to become strong in moments that test them.  

Resignation is the best way to achieve these ends.  You don't need to be successful in any conventional sense because conventional success is merely a social construction.  

To resign from convention is to become nonconformist in nature.  This will look like failure to everyone else.  

Conventional success appears universal because it means chasing all the things others desire, but the ethos of failure is unique to the subject.  

In the end, all one can say they are doing is surviving.  You cannot survive forever, only delay the inevitable outcome–––the inevitable failure.  

Failure is the final gasp of existence.

Clinging to things leads to attachment.  And attachment, when life and everything in it is temporary, is a recipe for disappointment. 

Reduce the things that you cling to and you will find the path to survival simpler and more enjoyable.  The material things that keep people in the rat race are the things to avoid.  For they will lead to your ruin.

A simple life with few wants and commitments, where strength comes from within, where peace comes from a sound mind is the way to reduce suffering.  This is all you can do with life, all you can do with failure.